Hmmm.

Well, havent been here in a while. I drink to much beer, smoke to many cigarettes, and am entirely to lazy for my own personal taste. I have a job, that I wont say I hate my job, I enjoy what I do, but I dont like where I do it. I would like to find something else, in that though, you kind of run into the same bullshit where ever you go. Some places are just more proactive then others. What am I blabbering on about here, I havent really got a clue, but its what is in my head.

Took me a long time to finally get my shit together and get my life in order. Putzed around after my father died for entirely to long feeling sorry for myself and being mad at the world. Tried to destroy a few friendships in that, glad that I didnt succeed. Course, now that I am done with that, lol I am kinda bored. Eh, oh well onto the next.

Liars, Cheats, and Thieve's.

We all know the deffinition of these words, and the meaning behind them. In some cases they go hand in hand. How many of us have encountered these people, and been hurt in some way by them? How many times have we allowed ourselves to be lied to, cheated and stolen from? A lie is one thing, in some cases a very real and tangable thing, but mostly words. A cheat, interesting thing about a cheat, they believe their hurting no one, or anything, but they are. A thief, a thief of property, or a thief of emotion, same difference, they ttake something from you, that you can't get back.

What do you do in the event you encounter one of the three, or all rolled into a single person? Do you shun them, do you ignore them, what if you have no choice but be faced with them everyday? How do you react? The liars, cheats and thieves, say one thing, but do another, lie to themself, and to their heart, and get what they ask for. When we lie to ourselves, we cheat ourselves, and we in turn thieve real happiness from who and what we are.

Which are you?

Lessons Learned.

Just another lesson learned. We all have heard this at one point or another in our lives. How many of us have really learned anything in these "Lessons” when we repeat the same behavior again and again. What is the point, if we don’t grasp the lesson at hand? Find ourselves seemingly back where we started, or having taken steps back. Does anyone really bother to pay attention to the lessons learned, or is it just something we say to ourselves in order to feel better, as if we have actually learned something and moved on?

Loyalty, Trust, Honor.

I see and hear a lot of people discussing these three words a lot lately. I have to wonder if they honestly understand what they're talking about, when I hear some of the things they say.

Loyalty means that, even if you disagree with your friend, you will back them up. This isn’t selective. This isn’t only when you agree, but all the time. Yes, they may be wrong, that can, and will be addressed later.

Trust means that, you can count on someone to do or react in a certain way. This also isint selective, kind of iron clad, they will or thy wont.

Honor means that, you or they will act in your or their best interest. Not at your or their expense, but to the interest to what is right.

When you yourself, fail to understand what Loyalty, Trust and Honor are, you not only fail yourself, you fail your family and friends. You become, or are, someone that no one can count on, for good reason. We have all been victim of disloyalty, lack of trust, and dishonorable people. Some of us actually chose to remove those persons from our lives. In some cases, WE are the ones whom are viewed as the disloyal, untrustworthy, or dishonorable. This may or may not be true, something else that depends on your perspective. Sometimes, it depends on this perspective, as to what we believe, about ourselves, and about others. Whom have you judged, or determined to be disloyal, untrustworthy, and dishonorable, that you paid the price for?

Who has paid the price for you?

Should.

Should, interestingly small word, with huge implications. We tell ourselves, we should be working here or working there. We tell ourselves, we should be making more money. We tell others, we should or they should do this, or that. There are really only a few places this word is relevant. If you have an engagement, then, yes, you should be on time. (Interesting Irony: That coming out of my mouth) If you’re hungry, yes again, you should eat. Beyond these few examples, what is the real purpose of this word? If you should make more money, then find a way to. If you should be living differently, then do so. Make the choice, rather then the open "I Should ...” Think about the word, and the implications of it. It's ultimately limiting, because if you "Should" then you can, unless you to lazy to look at the "Should's" in your life, and either make them go away, or do them.

People.

The people that come and go in your life. The people that you love. The people that you hate. Both being strong emotions. Both emotions, capable of feeling for the same person at the same time, while speaking to them. We have fond feelings twards people and harsh feelings at the same time, an interesting internal conflict. If you really think about it. Some of these feelings are based on decisions. Decisions we make in our own minds, that dictate to us how we choose to feel about someone. Then again, there are the actions, and decisions of people that dictate what we feel and think of them. Sometimes we go against those feelings, that we formed, based on their actions. Rarely do does going against these instincts, pay off. Most of the time, we get burned, and hurt. Hurt in itself is a lesson, of the things we need to avoid, and the things we dont need in our lives. Never second guess yourself, you will only loose in the end, what you loose depends on your perspective, and how you think. There is no rght or wrong thinking, only what gets you through.

Random Thinking.

Interesting, I think, the places that our minds take us. The people places and things we remember, for what seems no apparent reason. The vivid and faded memories of the past and the people and places in them. The tattered and torn, then new and shiney. The things done, to us, and, us to them. The things we take pride in, and those we are not proud of. The question is this, what do these things mean? How or why, do they matter to who we are, or who we think we are? Do they make us important to anyone but ourselves, do thayt make us important to others, and if they do why, or how. There memories of things past, some painful, some pleasurable. In different situations, the things we think of, that seem to be significant, in time matter very little, even to us. Just interesting. I think.

Crossroads.

Ah, what to say, I find myself at a a month and a half from 40 years old, and I dont know what I want to do when I grow up. I have had people put into my live, that I may have (possibly) ignored or passed over the knowledge they had to offer, and I find myself looking back on some of this wisdom and where it has lead me in life. I enjoy what I do, just not where I do it anymore, I enjoy who I am, just not where I am. I may have ignored things in my life, that are possibly to late to get back, and I wonder the consequence of that. Yeah I have the happy and positive, or thought provoking little posts on my Facebook, but what is Facebook, other then an invitation into your life, that you normaly would not offer to others. I have made mistakes, and have had success, yet I wonder, what if I had done this or that. What if I had listened to this or that, at the time, rather then now, when it sort of seems to late. I know it is never to late to change your life, and make a difference to you, and who you are, but, I wonder, "What If"?. Interesting I think, we shall see.